Own Your Shame
I define shame as the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging – something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection. - Brene Brown. That is a great way wrap up what shame is making you feel.It's also good to clarify the difference between shame and guilt because it's not the same and when we feel guilt it's usually about something that we done and we are worried about disappointing other people but shame is this internal 'I'm not good enough'. It is to the core about your essence of who you are. Shame is also correlated with trauma, addiction, depression, violence, aggression, bullying, suicide, eating disorders and the list can keep going from here too.
When people feel like they are not good enough and there is something about it that they need to hide, they often will act out. We see a lot of people big egos or like really loud, obnoxious personalities and you think 'WOW, they must feel really comfortable with themselves' and that's not it. When I see someone with huge ego I just think like WOW, you are so ashamed of who you are that you have to puff yourself up so much so that people can't see you. That can be same with addiction, to hide behind your addiction, you bully others because you feel like you are not good enough and when you see something in someone else that you don't like you probably identify with yourself as well little bit and you're like 'I hate that about you because it reminds me that I have that inside of me too'. So then they bully that other person and even it's all because they are ashamed of who they are, so shame drives a lot of what happens in the world I think, and how we interact on a daily basis with everyone around us.
It prevents you from being who you are. Being vulnerable is being seen and to be open and be aware of the fact that the people who you are putting yourself up to, might not accept you for who you are. Which might make you shameful, not loved and then it creates this fear of 'I don't wanna be me because I might be rejected'. It's also the birthplace of being loved, being accepted for who you are because you will never be able to fell that fulfilment if you are not being loved for who you are, 'cause if you are just presenting this thing to the world that you think it's perfect and people love that, they you still not gonna feel loved because you're just gonna feel like they're just loving the perfect version of you, they're not loving the "ugly" actual, real, human inside of you.
The thing about shame is, the more you talk about it the more it can exist, because the more you don't talk about it the more it grows and grows and silence, secrecy, lies, hiding things that's what literally incubates shame and it grows on itself and it becomes this thing that just exponentially grows when you don't talk about it. It's so important that we find people that you can talk to about what's going on with you or what you're shameful about because the second you share with someone who understands and empathizes with you then it just diminishes, the shame can't exist anymore because it's exposed.