Own Your Shame



I define shame as the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging – something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection. - Brene Brown. That is a great way wrap up what shame is making you feel.
It's also good to clarify the difference between shame and guilt because it's not the same and when we feel guilt it's usually about something that we done and we are worried about disappointing other people but shame is this internal 'I'm not good enough'. It is to the core about your essence of who you are. Shame is also correlated with trauma, addiction, depression, violence, aggression, bullying, suicide, eating disorders and the list can keep going from here too.

When people feel like they are not good enough and there is something about it that they need to hide, they often will act out. We see a lot of people big egos or like really loud, obnoxious personalities and you think 'WOW, they must feel really comfortable with themselves' and that's not it. When I see someone with huge ego I just think like WOW, you are so ashamed of who you are that you have to puff yourself up so much so that people can't see you. That can be same with addiction, to hide behind your addiction, you bully others because you feel like you are not good enough and when you see something in someone else that you don't like you probably identify with yourself as well little bit and you're like 'I hate that about you because it reminds me that I have that inside of me too'. So then they bully that other person and even it's all because they are ashamed of who they are, so shame drives a lot of what happens in the world I think, and how we interact on a daily basis with everyone around us.

It prevents you from being who you are. Being vulnerable is being seen and to be open and be aware of the fact that the people who you are putting yourself up to, might not accept you for who you are. Which might make you shameful, not loved and then it creates this fear of 'I don't wanna be me because I might be rejected'. It's also the birthplace of being loved, being accepted for who you are because you will never be able to fell that fulfilment if you are not being loved for who you are, 'cause if you are just presenting this thing to the world that you think it's perfect and people love that, they you still not gonna feel loved because you're just gonna feel like they're just loving the perfect version of you, they're not loving the "ugly" actual, real, human inside of you.

The thing about shame is, the more you talk about it the more it can exist, because the more you don't talk about it the more it grows and grows and silence, secrecy, lies, hiding things that's what literally incubates shame and it grows on itself and it becomes this thing that just exponentially grows when you don't talk about it. It's so important that we find people that you can talk to about what's going on with you or what you're shameful about because the second you share with someone who understands and empathizes with you then it just diminishes, the shame can't exist anymore because it's exposed.

36 comments:

  1. You are right, its definitely better to talk about things and get them out there - especially shame. But also remember, we are all human. What you find shameful can be normal. Don't beat yourself about it :)

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  2. There is definitely a difference between shame and guilt. I feel like its important when we acknowledge our shame so that it stops from becoming guilt and eating away at us.

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  3. I love Brene Brown! I've listened to so many of her speeches.
    You don't have any idea how much I relate to this post! It's kinda scary!
    I constantly feel ashamed.. Damn, that sounds depressing..

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    1. That's not depressing, we all have that feeling.

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  4. I completely agree that there's a difference between shame and guilt. I think it's so important to talk things through x

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  5. This is a really interesting perspective. A lot of people are probably hiding their shame by covering it up with a manufactured personality.

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  6. Open and honest conversations with people who can understand what you're sharing is very important. Sometimes the line between shame and guilt can be very thin though.

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  7. I love it. The message that you're trying to put across is one that we all need to hear, a faithful reminder. To be true to ourselves and not to be ashamed of who we are, because that's us.

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  8. It's so important to just be yourself. We shouldn't be ashamed of who we are; it's okay to be different and the people who reject us are just not who we're meant to be friends with.

    Rosie | www.rosieromance.com

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  9. Bullies have always targeted weak people because they have been weak once or something happened in their life that made them feel ashamed (like a broken family, a parent in jail, etc). Sometimes, when they grow up, they will regret it and apologize. But most of the times, they won't.

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  10. This is so true. Shame can really be debilitating and mess up with your head.

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  11. Nice post! Although shame and guilt may seem similar, shame is highly correlated with addiction, depression, and aggression. In contrast, guilt is linked to empathy and understanding other perspectives.

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  12. This is so deep and so true! I agree that the more we keep things to ourselves the more ashamed we feel, its better to talk about it and get it over with rather than have the miserable feeling destroy us.
    xx, Kusum | www.sveeteskapes.com

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  13. That's so true. I also think shame goes hand in hand with fear. When we're afraid to be honest then shame gets stronger.

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  14. It is very true and it's better to talk about these issues. It's very important to be honest and always stay true to yourself. Each human being is unique and different. Travel makes us realize that 'normal' means what culturally accepted. What in one place seems to be not appropriate and shameful, in an another place is just necessary and normal.

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  15. Yes! So true! I never really had a lot of friends until late 2015 when I met a few people that I really had a connection with. We really shall continue to be ourselves and eventually we will meet people that we really feel a connection with. My point is, I was finally able to talk about a lot of stuff I've never spoken before so I started to feel better about myself because as you said, the shame diminishes when it's exposed.

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  16. I had never thought of shame and guilt in this way but I agree with everything that you have said. That quote will stay with me from now on!

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  17. I don't necessarily that all people with big ego's or people who are highly extravagant are that way because of their inherent felt shame. Sometimes a person is just insecure or just extravagant on it self. You do make a good point about truly being yourself and find people who will fit with that.

    Love how your post are not hat shallow and make the readers think. We need more bloggers like that. <3

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    1. Thanks for reading, I'm so happy you liked it :)

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  18. I haven't thought of it this way till now..it makes sense though.thanks for your post!!

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