Online dating: How do you do this thing?!


This blog post is all about online dating, how you can stay safe, how to work up the courage to go on your date and some strategies.

Online date is fun, I love dating apps. I don't know if it's because I get bored and when I'm in line in a grocery store or I'm just in bed watching TV, I am swiping. It is just happening all the time, I just love going through profiles, I find it so interesting. I got a new app yesterday called Raya, it's a good one. I've used a lot of dating apps but the core ones that I've kept on my phone and haven't deleted are Tinder, Bumble and now Raya. Tinder is kind of the basic one, everyone knows what Tinder is, you got a match, you got a match with each other so you need to say 'yes' in order to talk to each other. Bumble is kind of the same except the girls have to write the guys first so I think it's a straight person app only because it's based off women writing the men first and then Raya is similar to Tinder, you both have to match to each other in order to talk (this is going to sound so douchey) but it's based on of your Instagram followers so it's kind of like a really hard to get approved plus you have to pay for it. It's an exclusive hook-up club 😂.

Except for I don't really see dating apps as a hookup opportunity, I'm open to hook up but also to make friends and I'm also open to meet people that I want to date. At the end of the day, I would like to be in a relationship, but I don't mind other stuff in between. I know exactly what I'm looking for and I would say seven times out of ten I either maintain talking to the person and be friends. I know what profiles to look for, for me personally, I know what not to look for. Some of the turn offs for me are when someone has a picture of themselves, not dating someone who is obsessed with their bodies.

There are multiple outcomes to online dating not just serious relationships or hook up which can happen but there is also that great area of 'Ow, I just think I made a friend'. Honestly for a number of times I've been on dates from an app, I've actually only had like maybe two or three hookups. We meet at night and then something more happens, that's only happened to me two or three times over the course of a lot of time. Normally you just kind of know right away or I do, I don't know how everyone else is. I see someone who I think is cute and we usually talk for a little while on the app and the time it's different for every person, some people are more forward and they feel uncomfortable talking on the app so they just say ' Hey do you want to get drink tomorrow night'. I prefer to actually talk for a little while online at least a few days to a week before, because I can read them pretty well based off of those interactions. But not everyone is the same, not everyone is good at talking to people online so they feel self-conscious because they are like 'I'm really bad at texting, can we just meet in person'.

It's different for everyone, I'm the type of person who likes to be kind of in control, I want to initiate asking for a number or to hang out.

Just to clarify (on Tinder) swiping left means no, swiping right 'Hell yeah'. I like to swipe right for someone that obviously is cute right away, I like to see that they have an interesting profile, that they really value conversation, intelligence. Things that I value, and if I can see that in their bio then probably I'm going to swipe right. I actually swipe left on people who I think that are out of my league or too attractive, there are so many people I swipe left to because I think they are too pretty for me. I know it's weird but it just kind of shows random insecurities that I have, but I totally swipe left to people that I think are out of my league.

I want to feel that they are on the same social level as me so I only swipe right to people that I feel like would fit whether it's in my friend group or me.

There is definitely a strategy (for me), got to keep it in my league. It's very similar as seeing someone in a bar or at a party, you kind of know the people that you are not gonna click with by who they are hanging out with, maybe what they are wearing, how they carry themselves and people have a countenance online too. I pretty much know how someone is going to be like when I see their profile. Not everyone has that skill, for me, I can swipe very quickly and still know exactly what I'm getting. My friends always complain when they swipe with me, they are like 'you swipe so fast' but I'm also never wrong for what I get when I meet people in real life. They are always similar as I expect them to be.

Now... the attraction is what I can't predict, there are people that I have been on dates with that I think 'i'm definitely going to be attracted to this person, there is no way I won't be. And then I get there and I'm like 'nothing', this person could be my sister, there is zero attraction there. And there are people I think I probably won't like them that way but I'll probably like them as a friend or like a good networking opportunity and then I'm just super attracted to them. That's hit or miss, you don't know if there is going to be an attraction or not and I'm the type of person that has to be right away or it's never going to be there.

Meeting with people who you saw online should definitely happen in public place. I never go to someones house even if they seem safe, you just never know and honestly, I don't go to someones house until I've hanged out several times because that just scares me and I want to be safe, you don't know these people they just have a profile. Going to a bar is safe for me, I would say don't drink too much. I've made that mistake before and nothing bad happened but you are nervous so you drink faster and more because you don't know this person. For some people, this could put up yourself in risky situations. I say maybe bar or dinner or if you are nervous about that do coffee.

For me a successful date is being attracted to the person, has to be a good conversation. I don't feel attracted to everyone or I do and then I get bored afterward. At the end of the date I want to feel like I want to see them again (that sounds weird), there is a lot of times I've been on dates and they've gone well but not well enough. When the date is over I know right away if this is going to be something or not. When I know I feel the need to tell them because I think that's fair. With online dating it can be really tricky because you've been talking on an app, it builds up all these tension and then you go on a date and if you are not feeling it you kind of owe it to the person to tell them, it's scary to do in person so I normally do it in text and say 'Hey. I had a really good time hanging out but I don't really see something romantic but I'm totally down to be friends' and if I'm not down to be friends I just say 'I don't really see anything here but I had a good time. Thanks for hanging out' or something similar.

It sucks when they want more and they are still interested and they will say like 'I don't feel the same way but I appreciate you telling me'. Then it's kind of like 'oh I just had to deal with mini break up'. I prefer more straight forward approach and letting them know right away. It's important to be clear and with online dating you just go through people a lot, one second you talk to one person and one second to another. It's just fair to everyone involved, it makes everything simpler. I know a lot of people feel like they have to do this 'dramatic break up' or they are like 'I don't know if she/he is interested'. It doesn't matter if she/he is interested, are you interested? If you are not interested, just tell them.

We are all online dating, we are all being really quick to look at application per se and be just like yes or no and it doesn't have to be this huge emotional thing. I used to feel guilty when I have to let someone down but now I'm to the point where I don't feel bad, we're online dating, this is like a quick yes or no a thing.

I do drink and if I'm attracted to them I'll totally kiss them. Generally, what I would say, before the date even happens 'just to set expectations for the night, I'm not hooking up' and that sets the bar for them to know like I'm not looking to hookup tonight but if I decided I want to I can tell during the date. That's how I do all of my dating whether it's online or not, I like to set the expectations because I don't like to have things expected of me and feel pressure. Also the other person can eliminate the expectations from their mind and really be a lot more present.

You just need to try it, I know online dating had a bad stigma for a long time (you have to be a nerd, it means you're pathetic or desperate) but that's just simply not true.

46 comments:

  1. I have never done online dating but I really enjoyed your post :) Great work!

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  2. Whoop whoop , back to the tidiest website , this is so striking when your site loads up :) What amazes me , a young guy like you ( couldn't work out your age , but you look pretty young ) writing about online dating , I have always thought , that this was the 'last chance' for desperados :) Never done that , but really enjoyed your post !

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  3. Online dating actually worked for me because I met my lifetime partner from it. It has its cons but it has also its advantages. :) - Fred Erick

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  4. I loved reading your point of view. I have written/read/talked this subject to death. I actually think in general men are better at the online process then women. We get so emotionally attached from the first hello that it's tough. I'm writing another follow up now on why my ex-boyfriend is the world's best online dater.... he has a system and it works wonders for him :) Best of luck!

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  5. My older brother found his wife (my sister in law) online... they are a perfect pair together, I'm happy they found each other because she's a great addition to the family! I think the screening process can help speed up the process to finding a person with same interests as you, which is helpful!

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  6. well i met my girl online. And it's our 4th year, so i support online dating but you need to be careful before starting online relationship.

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  7. I have not really heard much about online dating from your perspective, most of what I have read are online dating gone wrong, here and there you hear success stories but not much. I think you can be open for everything, and as you said set standards, and you just might find "the one". Just be cautious is all I can say.

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    1. I read a lot of comments where they are married because of online date. :)

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  8. I'm not good at dating, it's not in me to be flirty. I am so bad at it that my friends think there's something wrong with me. This is one of the reasons why even on dating apps I'm not really doing very well. I swipe left most of the time. I'd swipe right on a few guys, I'd be a match with some of them but they wouldn't really say hi to me. Obviously, you've had more luck than I do. I wish I'm better at dealing with men in person but nope haha...

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    1. Not a big deal, you are going to get good :)

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  9. This shows how much out of the loop I am...I just found out about Tinder last year and this is my first time hearing about both Raya and Bumble. Nice article!

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  10. I've never used any of these apps! You make them sound useful, an interesting life you must lead!

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  11. I value your honesty in this post. You could use your blog as a means of promote your "perfect self". On the contrary you're open with your views towards 'hook ups' and in revealing your insecurities and experiences. Although I enjoyed your article, these apps aren't for me! Happy swiping, I hope you find what you're looking for!

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  12. This is a world I know nothing about at all. It was a great glimpse of what online dating really is and how you meet people. I like that you are straightforward and honest with your dates and let them know how you are feeling rather than sending mixed messages. Good luck out there!

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  13. Hi David,

    Online dating is not available yet on our time, so we do the old school way of courtship. I would have not understand the culture of online dating until this post. Based on my discussion w/ some people, these dating apps are first and foremost for hook-ups, and the serious stuffs are the exception.

    But I guess you cannot really tell unless you hear from people like you who are into it to better understand.

    But what scares me the most about the people using this apps are the privacy of those who registered. At the end of the day, the developer has your information in his/her database, and who knows who can get hold of the info and conversation logs, and use this for whatever purpose.

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    1. Yes I understand :) Every developer has your information including Facebook..

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  14. Very great tips! I've done online dating long ago. Which is crazy to me know because I would be so scared to do it again lol. Lots of scary stories nowadays.

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  15. For my friend it worked really well! She never believed in online dating before she met her husband! :-)

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  16. Nothing wrong as long as you set certain limitations. With what the world can offer now, online dating should not be treated as something unusual. It could to real-time and successful relationships which might be better from offline

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  17. I am not a fan of online dating sites and I haven't tried using one either but it is important that if one does use it, one's safety is prioritized because there are posers and scammers who have other intentions. But there are many people who were also able to find their soulmates through online dating.

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  18. As a millennial myself, I also tried my hand on online dating for a while as a single person. It did work and I met few new friends, but it also required a lot of effort to me. Tinder is really good in meeting new people especially for transients and travelers as well.

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  19. Online dating can be a scary concept in such a big world but it can lead to wonderful things. I met my boyfriend of 6 years online.

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  20. I feel like online dating is much easier these days considering everyone is one the internet. In fact, i know a couple who met through IG and got married.

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  21. I think it's a good way to meet new people and potentially your life long loving significant other. I've seen a lot of people started dating using online sites and ended up marrying each other. We are in a technology advanced society that anything is possible.

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  22. I think Tinder was created with a good idea in mind but unfortunately, most of the people you meet there don't want to meet to know you better, if you know what I mean. I tried to use Tinder to make some friends when I moved in a new city and it was a total disaster. I only got to meet one (only one) decent person that didn't bombarded me with creepy messages. :)

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  23. nice article! really informative. thanks for sharing with us. keep this blog update

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